I Got High By Accident And It Changed My Life
How Can You Be A Death Doula If You're Afraid of Death? Help Me. Mushroom Journey Guide Request. Back to Oakland again. Plans. Summer solstice. Friends? Earth Candy Medicine. Trust Your Witchiness.
Drug story below, but first:
I’m at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, aka “The Dinosaur Museum”. Waiting for the kids to finish their first day of “Fossil Finders” summer camp so I can pick them up early, take Seylah to occupational therapy, then take Nya to her big 5 year old annual exam where she will receive shots in her little tiny sweet legs, and cry, and then Seylah goes to her last horseback riding lessons, which we are pausing for the month of August so we can visit my parents, even though it’s impossible to plan.
We keep planning anyway. I keep remembering the power of a pause. Seylah’s name means “a pause in music” - I didn’t know that until after she was born. I must have known somewhere in my body that I need to slow down. It’s ok to slow down. Right?
After all of that, I’ll go to my summer boot camp workout at Stacia’s house down the street, where I wish I could sit on the couch and cry after and be with my new girlfriends I love but still feel shy to ask if I can sit and cry for a while, even though they’ve offered and invited me.
I have to ask for help, like I tell my mom to do. I have to trust it’s ok to slow down, in fact, this is my only task, according to all the people who are helping me through this time, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I am trying to listen, to take it in, to trust the slow down. To stop trying to control/distract/avoid. Grrr.
“How can you be a death doula if you’re afraid of death?” Great question! Gotta go into the darkness to find the light. I am scared but I am going. Finally. It’s time. I’m ready to do a guided mushroom journey. If you know anyone who would be a good guide in Colorado or California, please let me know. It’s time. I am ready and I am scared. Both.
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